Gas prices stink. The cost of essential goods is climbing exponentially. Your retirement income is going down the toilet. The wolf is at the door.
Yep. Time to buy new binoculars all right.
You never thought it would end like this, did you? Never dreamed that after years of living the American Dream, Beaver Cleaver was going to have to work into his seventies to support Ward and June (because their Retirement Plan went poof); that Lassie would be reduced to half rations of store brand kibble (because Timmy’s F350 was sucking him, and half the oil wells in the Gulf of Mexico, dry); and that Ken, after the divorce that netted Barbie Ken’s house, Ken’s corvette, and Ken’s collection of 45 rpms, would be mixing paint at Home Depot to help make ends meet.
He kept the penny loafers. His lawyer got the Letter Sweater.
With all your ill founded hopes and dreams shattered isn’t it time you bought new binoculars? I know that sounds like an odd strategy in the face of your holistic meltdown but hear me out. There’s light at the end of the tunnel.
Two tunnels, actually. Binoculars, as the name implies, are paired.
Look. It’s simple. Didn’t you work hard your whole life? Didn’t you always defer what you wanted so that everybody else could have what they needed first?
Shoes, braces, dance lessons, soccer camp, addition to the house, minivan, tuition to a private college, historical tour of the lesser known great cathedrals of Central Europe.
Didn’t you always think, believe, and know that “someday…someday…it would be YOUR TURN!” Sure you did. We all did.
Now you are thinking that you missed the boat.
Unless Barbie got that, too.
You’re thinking that your window of opportunity has closed. You will have to live out the last of your dreary days without enjoying the simple pleasure that…that….
That having kick-ass binoculars can confer upon a person. Until now, you’ve spent your whole life watching the world go by. Isn’t about time you got to see what you were missing? Real, live living things, in real time, living color.
Unlike the Alligator wrestling scenes on Wild Kingdom that were faked.
Binoculars convey supernatural intimacy with the natural world. The world you used to see at 7:00 o’clock on the Walt Disney channel.
Nature’s Half Acre. Seal Island. Shows like that.
Binoculars will let you get eyeball to eyeball up front and personal with Flipper. (He lives right off South Cape May. He’s wave surfing with Barbie.)
Best of all, binoculars will get you looks at birds. Nature’s most obvious envoys. They’re still common. They didn’t lose their pension. They don’t need gas in order to migrate. They weren’t part of the settlement.
Nice thing about binoculars is that binoculars don’t need gas, either. So no matter how much you spend, you’ll never have to spend another nickel to keep your binoculars running.
Binoculars. Your promise to yourself come true. The prize you’ve worked for.
Congratulations. This isn’t someday. Today is YOUR DAY!
And it just so happens that there is the binocular you’ve been waiting for, waiting for you to come into the Cape May Bird Observatory and sweep it off its shelf.
Carry them off into the sunset. Live happily ever after. Till death do you part.
It’s what dreams are made of.
Even if most of the optics you buy today are made in China.
Hey. It’s where the American dream was exported. And they’re living it up.
But if you want to treat yourself and buy superior binoculars from Germany and Austria, CMBO’s got the best selection of these around, too.
Have a nice day!
Stop in at one of NJAS’s Optic Centers or view CMBO’s selection of binoculars online at FeatherEdge Optics, www.featheredgeoptics.org.